wide-open laugh

August 17, 2012

you imagine i don’t want you here, or at least that i feel better not having you here now. to you it’s an adventure that offers a taste of the nearing life. but i only look toward the nearing life, saying over and over that i prefer not to walk too quickly. things grow cold when you move east, and it’s always easiest to feel alone. life rarely moves quite as fast as it seems; movement always looks odd when it is slow before your eyes.

we spend so much time with the other’s ghost, but nothing has ever felt dead.


“in my dreams i see her in botwulf’s town. her hair is dark brown, and it moves with the road and moves with the wind. we are atop the tallest building in the city, never needing to look downward. she smiles then laughs–calmer than the peace, louder than the storm. her laugh says absolutely nothing about the world around us. it is about her and it is about me. i have no idea when i first felt her eyes. now, i will hold them forever, and i will always keep them alive.

she is in the common now, bundled against the frozen wind, saying something about the squirrels and something about the people. she looks hilarious and incredible. i tell her she’s a monster, because she seems so wild and complex, so unafraid of being entirely raw.

in my mind she is frozen in a wide-open laugh, and she looks beautiful like nobody ever does. images are strange because they can be so inaccurate, but this one is perfect. the river here flows northeast for eighty miles, but i like to believe it flows west to california. it can, if we imagine, traverse the space to where she is, hanging from a tree on a swing in the field. i am next to her looking up and away, imagining some other sky or some other tree.”

my image of you is a smile and a laugh

it is a soft voice bouncing off the oldest buildings.

calmer than the peace, louder than the storm,

you say absolutely nothing about the world around us.


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