stick figures

September 24, 2010

there are words to document most everything we’ve done; there are images to fix us in time. i am writing now because you deserve something endless and substantial.

i once gathered my pens and neatly-cut paper, and then i drew stick figures to explain what i believed. this was when we still hugged awkwardly, and in my uncertainty i was certain that you would not let me fall alone.

i realize now that i left too much unsaid. there were always words between my words, crossed out because they felt weightless to me. it was space intentionally left empty, thoughtfully left empty. i always wanted my words to move beyond you and beyond me; i wanted them to exist outside of us, because that is really what all of this is about. so i am working now to give every last word weight; to let each one fall heavy upon your hands, your heart; to fill every last ellipsis that formed amongst my words; to do this until i become empty, perfectly empty.

i hope you can believe in endlessness, in a boy who is nothing more than a stick figure falling from a cliff.

 

do you want to know something true?

you never heard all he said.

amidst the incredible fall, he whispered, “i will exist as emptiness when this is through.”